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January 2012
April 2012
August 2012

So you've seen my pretty fridge ! As in , fridge ? On the right side ? Yeah .
Welcome to my kitchen .
Anyway this picture is blur because I took it with my very unstable left hand .
I need to start training my left hand ): I thought it was really trained cos I play erhu so it has to move fast ...
I'm wrong . It's still weak . And it's not my fingers that are weak , it's the HAND .
Talk to the hand .

I had a bad nap today ): badbad nap .
Every time I drift to sleep , I dream of you .
I don't know whether it's classified as a dream , or a nightmare .
But shoooooo , get outta my dreams . I don't need you .
ALIEN INVASION . I'M CALLING MY MAMA IF YOU DON'T GET OUT .

No , I didn't fall asleep in the kitchen , although this is my kitchen's floor . Nice white tiles .
So my dream was basically : an exchange between VSCO and AHSCO .
It's really pathetic of me , really desperate of me , I know .
THAT'S WHY I TOLD YOU TO GEROFF ME .
To sum it up :
So it was 2012 , and AHSCO and VSCO had a CO exchange of 3 days 2 nights .
In AHS , ha .
Had games , had interaction , blah blah .
Pres Tan was stressed up because of this exchange .
And meeting them was unavoidable . After all , they are in their comm , too .
And stupid me dreamed of something stupid .
I thought girls and boys had to be separated into different dorms right .
WHAT IF I GET RAPED .
Just kidding , no one wanna rape me .
But comm members from both schools shared one classroom , cos there were only 5 classrooms available for use . -.-
Awkward turtle . .__. Had comm meeting , sat in a circle , felt awkward .
No eye contact made , I shy :x plus I was in my embarrassing Mickey Mouse PJs ):
OMG I GIVE UP ON DESCRIBING MY DREAM ALRIGHT .
This shall just remain as some form of memory in my headddd .
No sharing .
WHAT , YOU THINK THIS IS iCloud ? You share everything ?
NOOOOOOOOOOOOO .

I feel so awkward turtle after summarizing my own dream . Psh .
Vian go and die you pudding .
Hehehehehe picture on top is funny , but I like it :D

I was cheated once last year .
By a group of guys , whom I thought genuinely , thought I was worth liking .
I thought , "At last , maybe it's my turn to be in the limelight ."
I thought , "Maybe I'm not always the calefare after all . Maybe I can be the main." I thought , "Here's my chance ."
I had a 'chance' , for 3 months .
And then , I found out , it was all a prank . To see who could 'get me first' .
When I knew , I was hurt .
I felt betrayed . I was betrayed .
I felt abandoned . I was abandoned .
I should have known , there was no happily ever after for someone like me .
I just didn't face the truth at that point of time .
I was so hurt , I deleted their contacts , deleted them off Facebook , and cut off all forms of contact with them .
I didn't want to suffer anymore .
From then on , I became distant from the opposite gender .
That was the starting point .
For 7 months , I kept cold .
For 7 months , it took great pains for me to trust a guy .
For 7 months , I was terrified whenever guys approach me .
For 7 months , I was abnormal .
For 7 months , I never fantasized , not once .
For 7 months , I made sure , I was never ever going to be cheated of my feelings again .
And it was a good 7 months . Until this year , March .
I let my guard down . I shouldn't have done that .
If I didn't , I'd still be living like how I did during those 7 months .
But , I did . I let my guard down .
I saw you , you seemed nice . I thought you were .
Then , we texted . For a moment , I was worried .
The feeling was foreign , after all .
As time passed , I felt , "Maybe not all guys are like that after all ."
Bit by bit , I started to gain hope in guys .
Little by little , I started to trust them .
You opened the route for me . I entered .
Then you blocked it with a boulder .
I was stuck on that road . That dark , lonely road .
I collapsed , I cried , I was scared .
It's like I've led myself into the wolves' den . And it wasn't the first time .
I was trapped on that road . Tied down , unable to move , unable to backtrack , unable to advance .
There were no lights , no air ; I was suffocating .
In despair , I wanted to give up , badly .
Under those darkness , I was attacked . Arrows , spears , everything that made me bleed , everything that cut me . I was attacked by them .
I cried for help , no one came . I was blinded .
I wouldn't say I saw light , but at least , someone moved away the boulder .
Someone opened up the exit again .
I was elated , but yet , wary at the same time .
After being trapped inside for such a long time , I couldn't get up , I couldn't move .
Despite the beckoning , despite the nice words . I was just too scared to move on .
And then under the bright lights , he held his hand out .
I saw the silhouette , at least , I thought I did .
It was a shadow , a dim shadow . That's why I didn't see the spikes , the thorns , the needles on it .
Blindly , I grabbed the hand and I was hoisted out of the darkness .
For a moment , I saw the light .
I saw the meadow , I saw the rainbow , I saw the blue sea , I saw the beautiful .
It was like sitting on the top of a cliff , barefooted , lying down in a patch of soft grass , letting the wind run through my hair . It felt good .
He was nice , so nice . But I was cold . I was wary , still wary , still afraid .
As nice as he might seem , I was afraid , that I'll suffer a similar setback . I couldn't let that happen to me again , I told myself I would protect myself .
Finally , when I was willing to trust again , I was flung away .
So , the 'warm' period is over , isn't it ? I should have known .
I chased , I pleaded , he ignored .
And subsequently , I fell into the pit of darkness .
Till now , I'm still in it .
And I don't have any plans to get out of this pit .
Because maybe , this dark pit is safer than the bright world out there .
The menacing , scary world , where everyone has a hidden agenda .
So I told myself , "Vivian , just stay in here ."
And I thought , "No one would be pulling you out again , anyway ."

Yesterday after working in school with Renee , Eugenia , and Grace , Renee and I went to Tampines to grab something to eat !
We went to eat Men Men Don Don , HEHEHEHE .
Very very nice ! I like it :D
Had soba yesterday , yeom . I'm hungry again :x
And then since neither of us wanted to go home , we went to shop at Artbox !
I love Artbox . If only they sold things at a cheaper price ):
They have such pretty notebooks ! But the price ain't so pretty harrumph .
Nevertheless , I was in a good mood and I had some $$$ in my wallet , so I bought some stuff . :D
Quite useless , but cute , so worth it !
Seeeeeeee the clips on top ! Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Friday Saturday Sunday and Day . Pretty (:
So I bought it . .__. was deciding between this one and the numbers one .
And I decided that I'll buy the numbers one next time :D

This is an eraser !
Not just any eraser , A YELLOW ONE . A very nice shade of yellow too .
Lemon yellow !
It's quite small . ): the big one is BEAUTIFUL , but I don't think it'll fit into my pencilcase ):
GROW , PENCILCASE .

I think I like the Artbox plastic bags . I might just collect them if I'm in the right mind . Hmm .
I LOVE ART BOX .

I bought another pretty notebook . :D although it's quite torn and tattered . This was the best one could dig out .
Kinda made a pretty big mess in Artbox , but ah well , I'm the customer ^^
I wanted to write in this book , for you .
But after the decision I just made , not anymore .
So bye !