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Sometimes I think I'm a foolish girl .
Sometimes I think I make too many promises to myself .
Sometimes I think I'm really gullible .
Sometimes I think I lack that perseverance to forget all the memories .
But then again , what memories ?
And then , I feel that I break too many of my own promises to myself .

Who gives me the right to be sad ?
Who gives me the right to claim that I have a broken heart ?
Who gives me the right to enter into this imaginary realm ?
Who gives me the right to think that maybe , just maybe , I found a lil bit of happiness ?
Who gives me the right to think that maybe I was appreciated ?
Who gives me the right to feel that I was at least , maybe , wanted by someone in this world ?
Who gives me the right to think that it might actually be possible ?
Oh , you did .
That's what I thought .
But that's not what you think , innit ?

Maybe I read too much into words .
Maybe I read too much into what you say .
Maybe I think , that whatever you said previously , referred to me .
Maybe I thought that we were possible .
Maybe I thought wrong .
Maybe .

Maybe I can describe my heart like an eggshell .
It's brittle .
It's hard , but it breaks easily .
But , it keeps what's inside alive .
It protects what's inside .
And what's inside ?
There used to be something , and now there's nothing .
No , you didn't take it away .
I was just too gullible , too stupid , I gave in everything , by myself .
I can't blame you , can I ?
Not when you have so many people standing behind you .
Blaming you would just cause my own death .
Not like as if I'm not dead yet .
I'm just , a living zombie .
A smiling one , to that .

It's tiring to keep up that smile , just to make people around you think you're happy .
It's so , so , tiring .
Sometimes I just wanna break down , crawl into a corner , curl into a ball and hide my face .
For my entire life , I've been keeping up with that pretense , that mask .
The mask that hides all my true feelings , the mask that changed me into someone I don't know .
Sometimes I don't know who I am , why I'm betraying my own feelings .
It's a habit now , a bad one .
Somehow , this habit of pretending has molded me into someone new .
Someone that's not me .
Someone that I don't know , at all .
Someone that I dislike , I hate , I abhor .
Does that mean I have to keep up with this forever ?
It's too late to show the real me .
Sometimes I don't know who's the real me anymore .
I don't know what the real me is supposed to be like .
Maybe , there was no real me in the first place ?
When will I ever be like Demi Lovato in Camp Rock , finding the real me ?
It's hard , when it's a habit .

This is real , this is me , I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be now .
Gonna let the light shine on me .
Now I've found who I am , there's no way to hold it in ,
No more hiding who I wanna be .
This is me .

Yeah , that works for you , Demi Lovato .
Not very much for me , huh ? We lead different lives .
Well , there's no Joe Jonas singing this to me :

You're the voice I hear inside my head ,
The reason that I'm singing ,
I need to find you , I gotta find you .
You're the missing piece I need ,
The song inside of me ,
I need to find you , I gotta find you .

Yepps , there ain't one guy out there who would sing that to me , so suck up .
Jealousy doesn't work anymore . It's useless to say who I'm jealous of , what I'm jealous of .
Like as if that's gonna help in anything .
That won't improve my life .
That won't help me realise my dreams .
That won't bring you back to me .

Maybe one day , I should just lose it , throw a temper and start crying .
But that will make people think that I'm just a spoilt brat .
How do people throw a temper , and make those people worship them ?
It's just insane , how different people get different treatment from others .
Why do we have to be so scared of some people getting angry , and ignore other people when they're angry ?
I have a lot of reasons to explain why I shouldn't , and I couldn't express my real self .
#1 . Even if I do , no one would care . Everyone would just think I became a bitch instantly .
#2 . With all those people out "there" , they'd most prolly unfriend me , and spread stupid bad stuff about me .
#3. I don't know my real self .

Some things are just unexplainable .
Maybe you should stand in my shoes , be in my body , and understand how my heart truly thinks .
Maybe then , you'll do how life is like for me .
And believe me , you wouldn't think I lead a good life .
Don't just look on the outside .
There are many unspoken and untold stories inside this girl .
And no , they won't be unfolded , because no one would listen , and no one would care .
If you said you do care , think again .
Will you really , really care ?
Actions speak louder than words .
I don't want to be cheated again and again .
I hate it when people tell me they're close to me , and then , in a split second , they change their minds .
Or maybe I'm just bad at expressing my innate feelings .
Maybe ... this is just me .
Well if this is the real me , then I think , I must be horrible .

And maybe , I'm just bad with the opposite gender .
Things just don't turn out the way I hoped for it to be .
I plotted the script , the scene , everything , in my head , and it turns out differently .
Maybe I just don't know the opposite gender well enough .
Or maybe , I just don't have affinity with them at all .
In any way , maybe you are the reason I've decided to be androphobic .
Maybe you're the one who made me like that .
But like I said , this is all just a maybe .