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I wish , on that blue sky , that I will be happy , carefree , and be myself .

HIIIIEEEEEEEE .
Okay that's so not me ><
Have been listening to 2 songs I haven't heard in a long time .
Was breakfast-ing at Macs when I heard the song come up on the radio .
And suddenly the lyrics made so much sense .
Few years back , I had no relationship whatnots , so the lyrics were just a bunch of words .
But the song had a nice melody so I liked it .
Anyway , listening to it these days make me feel attached .
Attached to the world .
Like , somehow , I can relate to the songs !
*adds taa-daa music*
It's a totally boomz thing .
Ris Low didn't buy copyrighted rights for that word , did she ?

And so , read the lyrics , go search for the songs on Youtube , and hopefully you might relate your own story to the lyrics too .
Honestly , they make a lot of sense , and it goes well with the book that I did for my English book review .
"Where Rainbows End ."
I love that book too :> soulmates .

Colbie Caillat - Fallin' For You

I don’t know but
I think I may be
Fallin’ for you
Dropping so quickly
Maybe I should
Keep this to myself
Waiting ’til I
Know you better
I am trying
Not to tell you
But I want to
I’m scared of what you’ll say
So I’m hiding what I’m feeling
But I’m tired of
Holding this inside my head
I’ve been spending all my time
Just thinking about ya
I don’t know what to do
I think I’m fallin’ for you
I’ve been waiting all my life
And now I found ya
I don’t know what to do
I think I’m fallin’ for you
I’m fallin’ for you
As I’m standing here
And you hold my hand
Pull me towards you
And we start to dance
All around us
I see nobody
Here in silence
It’s just you and me
I’m trying
Not to tell you
But I want to
I’m scared of what you’ll say
So I’m hiding what I’m feeling
But I’m tired of
Holding this inside my head
I’ve been spending all my time
Just thinking about ya
I don’t know what to do
I think I’m fallin’ for you
I’ve been waiting all my life
And now I found ya
I don’t know what to do
I think I’m fallin’ for you
I’m fallin’ for you
Oh I just can’t take it
My heart is racing
The emotions keep spinning out
I’ve been spending all my time
Just thinking about ya
I don’t know what to do
I think I’m fallin’ for you
I’ve been waiting all my life
And now I found ya
I don’t know what to do
I think I’m fallin’ for you
I’m fallin’ for you
I can’t stop thinking about it
I want you all around me
And now I just can’t hide it
I think I’m fallin’ for you
I’m fallin’ for you
Ooohhh
Oh no no
Oooooohhh
Oh I’m fallin’ for you

And this song too .

Colbie Caillat - Bubbly

I've been awake for a while now
You've got me feelin' like a child now
'Cause every time I see your bubbly face
I get the tinglees in a silly place

It starts in my toes
And I crinkle my nose
Wherever it goes I always know
That you make me smile
Please stay for a while now
Just take your time
Wherever you go

The rain is fallin' on my window pane
But we are hidin' in a safer place
Under the covers stayin' safe and warm
You give me feelings that I adore

They start in my toes
Make me crinkle my nose
Wherever it goes
I always know
That you make me smile
Please stay for a while now
Just take your time
Wherever you go

What am I gonna say
When you make me feel this way?
I just, mmm

It starts in my toes
Makes me crinkle my nose
Wherever it goes
I always know
That you make me smile
Please stay for a while now
Just take your time
Wherever you go

I?ve been asleep for a while now
You tucked me in just like a child now
'Cause every time you hold me in your arms
I'm comfortable enough to feel your warmth

It starts in my soul
And I lose all control
When you kiss my nose
The feelin' shows
'Cause you make me smile
Baby just take your time now
Holdin' me tight

Wherever, wherever, where ever you go
Wherever, wherever, where ever you go

Cheerios !

OMG WHAT A STUNNING PICTURE AT THE START OF THIS BLOG POST .
[...]
Just kidding .
It's me and my dirty fingers , here to haunt you and make you unable to sleep . :D
I daresay my eyes look a teeny bigger .
And I have pretty white fingers yay !
Thanks to the paper mache :x

Here's a closer and better look of my fingers . My dirty lil fingers .
I think there was quite a reflection in the previous picture so just stare at my pretty face .
Kidding , my face is hideous . :D
okok .

Does this even look like an egg ?
I doubt so :x OK THAT'S BAD IT'S SUPPOSED TO LOOK LIKE AN EGG .
I can't even do paper mache properly what a failure ):
Nevermind , stare at the paintbrush , and stare and my lovely calf .
YES DO IT .

Oh wait why is this here .
It's the half done egg . .__.
Half-cooked egg ?
Oh half-cooked eggs are sunny side-ups right ?
I like sunny side-ups without the yolk . Yolks are bad anyway .
They're like , squishy , and wobbly , and icky ...
ICKY VICKY .
Do you watch fairly oddparents ?
OKAY NEVERMIND I'M THE ONLY ONE WHO WATCHES CARTOON AT MY AGE AND THAT'S COOL GO AWAY .
Hey my foot is there :D
My left foot .
Sexy foot .
Uh .

I think imma go watch Dongyi now . .__.
Before that !

HELLO YOU . YES YOU .
THE ONE IN FRONT OF THE PHONE/COMPUTER/WHATNOT .
YOUUUUUUU .
I AM ORDERING YOU TO TAGGGGGGGG .
Okay I shall be nice .
Please tag or I'll rip you apart hair by hair .
So just bloody tag alright . I need to know who's here and who's not .
Otherwise it's so lonely .
See that dust over there flying around in the air ?
Like it thinks it's some ballerina dancing across the stage .
Well it's not and I need to get rid of the spiderwebs and the dust so tag .
This is not Spiderman's lair .
Seriously I'm getting lame .
Vian's LAME 101 LESSON , REGISTER NOW !
Oooh , I have my own advertisement :D
kthxbye .

MALA I MISS YOU WHY ARE YOU IN BATAM NOOOOOOOOOOO NOW I'M SAD AND BORED AND I NEED MY UMMA BACKK ): COME BACK TO MEEEEEEEE .
Oh and do more shopping yeah ? :D buy more clothes !! and shoes hohoho .

So you've seen my pretty fridge ! As in , fridge ? On the right side ? Yeah .
Welcome to my kitchen .
Anyway this picture is blur because I took it with my very unstable left hand .
I need to start training my left hand ): I thought it was really trained cos I play erhu so it has to move fast ...
I'm wrong . It's still weak . And it's not my fingers that are weak , it's the HAND .
Talk to the hand .

I had a bad nap today ): badbad nap .
Every time I drift to sleep , I dream of you .
I don't know whether it's classified as a dream , or a nightmare .
But shoooooo , get outta my dreams . I don't need you .
ALIEN INVASION . I'M CALLING MY MAMA IF YOU DON'T GET OUT .

No , I didn't fall asleep in the kitchen , although this is my kitchen's floor . Nice white tiles .
So my dream was basically : an exchange between VSCO and AHSCO .
It's really pathetic of me , really desperate of me , I know .
THAT'S WHY I TOLD YOU TO GEROFF ME .
To sum it up :
So it was 2012 , and AHSCO and VSCO had a CO exchange of 3 days 2 nights .
In AHS , ha .
Had games , had interaction , blah blah .
Pres Tan was stressed up because of this exchange .
And meeting them was unavoidable . After all , they are in their comm , too .
And stupid me dreamed of something stupid .
I thought girls and boys had to be separated into different dorms right .
WHAT IF I GET RAPED .
Just kidding , no one wanna rape me .
But comm members from both schools shared one classroom , cos there were only 5 classrooms available for use . -.-
Awkward turtle . .__. Had comm meeting , sat in a circle , felt awkward .
No eye contact made , I shy :x plus I was in my embarrassing Mickey Mouse PJs ):
OMG I GIVE UP ON DESCRIBING MY DREAM ALRIGHT .
This shall just remain as some form of memory in my headddd .
No sharing .
WHAT , YOU THINK THIS IS iCloud ? You share everything ?
NOOOOOOOOOOOOO .

I feel so awkward turtle after summarizing my own dream . Psh .
Vian go and die you pudding .
Hehehehehe picture on top is funny , but I like it :D

I was cheated once last year .
By a group of guys , whom I thought genuinely , thought I was worth liking .
I thought , "At last , maybe it's my turn to be in the limelight ."
I thought , "Maybe I'm not always the calefare after all . Maybe I can be the main." I thought , "Here's my chance ."
I had a 'chance' , for 3 months .
And then , I found out , it was all a prank . To see who could 'get me first' .
When I knew , I was hurt .
I felt betrayed . I was betrayed .
I felt abandoned . I was abandoned .
I should have known , there was no happily ever after for someone like me .
I just didn't face the truth at that point of time .
I was so hurt , I deleted their contacts , deleted them off Facebook , and cut off all forms of contact with them .
I didn't want to suffer anymore .
From then on , I became distant from the opposite gender .
That was the starting point .
For 7 months , I kept cold .
For 7 months , it took great pains for me to trust a guy .
For 7 months , I was terrified whenever guys approach me .
For 7 months , I was abnormal .
For 7 months , I never fantasized , not once .
For 7 months , I made sure , I was never ever going to be cheated of my feelings again .
And it was a good 7 months . Until this year , March .
I let my guard down . I shouldn't have done that .
If I didn't , I'd still be living like how I did during those 7 months .
But , I did . I let my guard down .
I saw you , you seemed nice . I thought you were .
Then , we texted . For a moment , I was worried .
The feeling was foreign , after all .
As time passed , I felt , "Maybe not all guys are like that after all ."
Bit by bit , I started to gain hope in guys .
Little by little , I started to trust them .
You opened the route for me . I entered .
Then you blocked it with a boulder .
I was stuck on that road . That dark , lonely road .
I collapsed , I cried , I was scared .
It's like I've led myself into the wolves' den . And it wasn't the first time .
I was trapped on that road . Tied down , unable to move , unable to backtrack , unable to advance .
There were no lights , no air ; I was suffocating .
In despair , I wanted to give up , badly .
Under those darkness , I was attacked . Arrows , spears , everything that made me bleed , everything that cut me . I was attacked by them .
I cried for help , no one came . I was blinded .
I wouldn't say I saw light , but at least , someone moved away the boulder .
Someone opened up the exit again .
I was elated , but yet , wary at the same time .
After being trapped inside for such a long time , I couldn't get up , I couldn't move .
Despite the beckoning , despite the nice words . I was just too scared to move on .
And then under the bright lights , he held his hand out .
I saw the silhouette , at least , I thought I did .
It was a shadow , a dim shadow . That's why I didn't see the spikes , the thorns , the needles on it .
Blindly , I grabbed the hand and I was hoisted out of the darkness .
For a moment , I saw the light .
I saw the meadow , I saw the rainbow , I saw the blue sea , I saw the beautiful .
It was like sitting on the top of a cliff , barefooted , lying down in a patch of soft grass , letting the wind run through my hair . It felt good .
He was nice , so nice . But I was cold . I was wary , still wary , still afraid .
As nice as he might seem , I was afraid , that I'll suffer a similar setback . I couldn't let that happen to me again , I told myself I would protect myself .
Finally , when I was willing to trust again , I was flung away .
So , the 'warm' period is over , isn't it ? I should have known .
I chased , I pleaded , he ignored .
And subsequently , I fell into the pit of darkness .
Till now , I'm still in it .
And I don't have any plans to get out of this pit .
Because maybe , this dark pit is safer than the bright world out there .
The menacing , scary world , where everyone has a hidden agenda .
So I told myself , "Vivian , just stay in here ."
And I thought , "No one would be pulling you out again , anyway ."

Yesterday after working in school with Renee , Eugenia , and Grace , Renee and I went to Tampines to grab something to eat !
We went to eat Men Men Don Don , HEHEHEHE .
Very very nice ! I like it :D
Had soba yesterday , yeom . I'm hungry again :x
And then since neither of us wanted to go home , we went to shop at Artbox !
I love Artbox . If only they sold things at a cheaper price ):
They have such pretty notebooks ! But the price ain't so pretty harrumph .
Nevertheless , I was in a good mood and I had some $$$ in my wallet , so I bought some stuff . :D
Quite useless , but cute , so worth it !
Seeeeeeee the clips on top ! Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Friday Saturday Sunday and Day . Pretty (:
So I bought it . .__. was deciding between this one and the numbers one .
And I decided that I'll buy the numbers one next time :D

This is an eraser !
Not just any eraser , A YELLOW ONE . A very nice shade of yellow too .
Lemon yellow !
It's quite small . ): the big one is BEAUTIFUL , but I don't think it'll fit into my pencilcase ):
GROW , PENCILCASE .

I think I like the Artbox plastic bags . I might just collect them if I'm in the right mind . Hmm .
I LOVE ART BOX .

I bought another pretty notebook . :D although it's quite torn and tattered . This was the best one could dig out .
Kinda made a pretty big mess in Artbox , but ah well , I'm the customer ^^
I wanted to write in this book , for you .
But after the decision I just made , not anymore .
So bye !

Sometimes I think I'm a foolish girl .
Sometimes I think I make too many promises to myself .
Sometimes I think I'm really gullible .
Sometimes I think I lack that perseverance to forget all the memories .
But then again , what memories ?
And then , I feel that I break too many of my own promises to myself .

Who gives me the right to be sad ?
Who gives me the right to claim that I have a broken heart ?
Who gives me the right to enter into this imaginary realm ?
Who gives me the right to think that maybe , just maybe , I found a lil bit of happiness ?
Who gives me the right to think that maybe I was appreciated ?
Who gives me the right to feel that I was at least , maybe , wanted by someone in this world ?
Who gives me the right to think that it might actually be possible ?
Oh , you did .
That's what I thought .
But that's not what you think , innit ?

Maybe I read too much into words .
Maybe I read too much into what you say .
Maybe I think , that whatever you said previously , referred to me .
Maybe I thought that we were possible .
Maybe I thought wrong .
Maybe .

Maybe I can describe my heart like an eggshell .
It's brittle .
It's hard , but it breaks easily .
But , it keeps what's inside alive .
It protects what's inside .
And what's inside ?
There used to be something , and now there's nothing .
No , you didn't take it away .
I was just too gullible , too stupid , I gave in everything , by myself .
I can't blame you , can I ?
Not when you have so many people standing behind you .
Blaming you would just cause my own death .
Not like as if I'm not dead yet .
I'm just , a living zombie .
A smiling one , to that .

It's tiring to keep up that smile , just to make people around you think you're happy .
It's so , so , tiring .
Sometimes I just wanna break down , crawl into a corner , curl into a ball and hide my face .
For my entire life , I've been keeping up with that pretense , that mask .
The mask that hides all my true feelings , the mask that changed me into someone I don't know .
Sometimes I don't know who I am , why I'm betraying my own feelings .
It's a habit now , a bad one .
Somehow , this habit of pretending has molded me into someone new .
Someone that's not me .
Someone that I don't know , at all .
Someone that I dislike , I hate , I abhor .
Does that mean I have to keep up with this forever ?
It's too late to show the real me .
Sometimes I don't know who's the real me anymore .
I don't know what the real me is supposed to be like .
Maybe , there was no real me in the first place ?
When will I ever be like Demi Lovato in Camp Rock , finding the real me ?
It's hard , when it's a habit .

This is real , this is me , I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be now .
Gonna let the light shine on me .
Now I've found who I am , there's no way to hold it in ,
No more hiding who I wanna be .
This is me .

Yeah , that works for you , Demi Lovato .
Not very much for me , huh ? We lead different lives .
Well , there's no Joe Jonas singing this to me :

You're the voice I hear inside my head ,
The reason that I'm singing ,
I need to find you , I gotta find you .
You're the missing piece I need ,
The song inside of me ,
I need to find you , I gotta find you .

Yepps , there ain't one guy out there who would sing that to me , so suck up .
Jealousy doesn't work anymore . It's useless to say who I'm jealous of , what I'm jealous of .
Like as if that's gonna help in anything .
That won't improve my life .
That won't help me realise my dreams .
That won't bring you back to me .

Maybe one day , I should just lose it , throw a temper and start crying .
But that will make people think that I'm just a spoilt brat .
How do people throw a temper , and make those people worship them ?
It's just insane , how different people get different treatment from others .
Why do we have to be so scared of some people getting angry , and ignore other people when they're angry ?
I have a lot of reasons to explain why I shouldn't , and I couldn't express my real self .
#1 . Even if I do , no one would care . Everyone would just think I became a bitch instantly .
#2 . With all those people out "there" , they'd most prolly unfriend me , and spread stupid bad stuff about me .
#3. I don't know my real self .

Some things are just unexplainable .
Maybe you should stand in my shoes , be in my body , and understand how my heart truly thinks .
Maybe then , you'll do how life is like for me .
And believe me , you wouldn't think I lead a good life .
Don't just look on the outside .
There are many unspoken and untold stories inside this girl .
And no , they won't be unfolded , because no one would listen , and no one would care .
If you said you do care , think again .
Will you really , really care ?
Actions speak louder than words .
I don't want to be cheated again and again .
I hate it when people tell me they're close to me , and then , in a split second , they change their minds .
Or maybe I'm just bad at expressing my innate feelings .
Maybe ... this is just me .
Well if this is the real me , then I think , I must be horrible .

And maybe , I'm just bad with the opposite gender .
Things just don't turn out the way I hoped for it to be .
I plotted the script , the scene , everything , in my head , and it turns out differently .
Maybe I just don't know the opposite gender well enough .
Or maybe , I just don't have affinity with them at all .
In any way , maybe you are the reason I've decided to be androphobic .
Maybe you're the one who made me like that .
But like I said , this is all just a maybe .

Sometimes I think that I have the same smile as Suzy .
But , she's a lot prettier ): lucky girl !
And she has nice long brown hair . Chocolate brown !
Okay , I think it's just weird for me to think I have the same smile as her . :x
Hmm .
Looking at this picture , I kinda miss Dream High :o
Maybe one day I might just rewatch it , although I don't have the knack for rewatching stuff .
Running man is an exception .
Well , go watch ! Strongly recommended !

Dream High stars Suzy (Miss A) , IU , Eunjung (T-ARA) , Taecyeon & Wooyoung (2PM) and Kim Soo Hyun ! He's an awesome actor , and he looks cute ! Nice sexy thick lips , like Kikwang , hehehe . :D
Anyway , me like the drama ! Esp the IU Wooyoung couple . :D they should get together !

OMG BUT RUNNING MAN IS EVEN NICER . Seriously .
It's like the idols play catching in some large-scale area like a mall , or the science centre .
Lucky people are born in Korea , it's huge there , many big spaces to play in .
Singapore's like ... nevermind . :D
And now Running Man requires them to find the guest !
I wanna play in Running Man too ): it's all about running hehehe my favourite !
And well , the permanent members are :
Yoo Jaesuk (host) I LOVE YOO JAESUK HE'S MARRIED IDC BUT HE'S DAMN CUTE HAHAHAA . Yoo Hyuk !
Kim Jongkook (SPARTA !) his muscles are incredibly scary OMG . And he doesn't eat anything that doesn't have protein .
Song Jihyo (Ace) she's damn pretty , she's damn smart , she can run really well but she's retarded (EQ-wise) I love her ! She's part of the Monday couple ~
Gary Lee (part of Leesang) I like Leesang . Anws , he is Jihyo's 'boyfriend' ~ Monday couple jjang ! <3 HAHAHA , he's damn funny !
Haha (as in , that's his stage name) Awkward . Okay , he has a hoarse voice and he's Jongkook's "My Dongsaeng" ~ So cheesy , the way they say it !
Song Joongki (YES THE MUBANK MC LAST TIME) OMG HE'S DAMN HOT HAHAHA AND HE'S DAMN SMART MANNNNNN ILOVEHIM .
Ji Sukjin (some old man) He's uh , Yoo Jaesuk's best friend and he has a large nose . .__. I don't really like him . He likes to tackle young girls eeyer . Ahpek !
Lee Kwangsoo (poor thing) I don't like him either , but he's always the one getting scolded HAHAHA funny !

My favourite guests are : Yonghwa and Daesung . Oh , Seungri too .

I SWEAR , BIGBANG MEMBERS CAN RUN DAMN FAST AND THEY ESCAPE VERY WELL TOO HAHAHA .

Okay I go watch ep36 now bye !

My *ahemahem* OLD OLD ALUMNI AH .
HAHAHAH , I know you don't like being called alumni . :D so , old old senior .
Yepps . I think my smile looks distorted , and my hair is messy .
Wait , my hair is ALWAYS messy , no biggy . :D
So this was taken on Monday , during handover . Man , handover ):
Really don't wanna see the seniors go . It's understandable , isn't it ?
The only people in CO I can look up to , gone .
The only people in CO that I can rely on , gone .
The only people in CO that I can ask questions , gone .
Now I'm alone .
Now we're alone .
Now I'm helpless .
Now we're helpless .
What to do when the seniors are gone ?
The juniors look up to the sec3s . I'm a sec3 . And not just any sec3 .
Still takes some time to generate and digest the fact that now , I'm the pres of AHSCO .
Not something to brag about . But something , I'm kinda afraid to be .
I don't know whether I can lead AHSCO to greater heights .
I don't know what I can do .
I don't know what to do , when there are no seniors to guide me , guide us along .
I don't know how to manage the entire group of 70 plus people .
I don't know how to handle the problematic juniors .
I don't know what to do when the new batch of sec1s come in next year .
I'm lost . I always am .
Some lost little sheep that's always lagging behind everyone else .
Maybe because she's busy munching on some dandelion , but that's not the main point . .__.
Now , this little sheep is like , the head of the herd .
All of a sudden , this little sheep doesn't know what to do .
Her seniors say , "You can do this ."
But what she's thinking inside is , "Do what ?!"
That , summarizes what I'm thinking now .
Do what .
DO WHAT .
OMG , DO WHAT .

OMG , Crystal's eyes are humongous here , that's scary . :x and I look like I just woke up from my sleep .
I always do , LOL ! No biggy , again .
So , on Monday , I reached CO room at around 11 plus . And , I slept for one hour .
CO room is a great place to sleep in ! I loveeeee it .
BUT THERE ARE MOZZIES , I MUST DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT . SPRAY BYGONE/BAYGON , whatever . :x
Then , when I woke up , most of the old comm were here , and another presidential candidate was here : Venice .
Not like as if I didn't know who the candidates were in the first place :x it's pretty predictable .
1. Vivian Tan Yu Qin (I really dislike my chinese name .)
2. Ng Liyun
3. Venice Teng Wen Si

Yeah . Plus I saw Mandy and Crystal cutting the voting slips , so yeah . They copied the General Elections HAHAHA .
I should have stolen one voting slip too ! No , not to vote , but just for like , memories ?
Talked to Venice and found out that she didn't prepare anything for the speech .
LOL , I told her I didn't prepare either . Which is 100% true . I didn't prepare anything at all . I wanted to go up and say :

"Uh , my name is Vivian , I'm from huqin , and uh , I'm open to any and all questions ."

Which , was what I said on stage in the end . :x failure !

Yummy vanilla cone . :D looks like the macs one , doesn't it ? Well , it's not . .__. andand I see my ice-cream-stained lips ! OKAY NEVERMIND .
Anws , people slowly streamed into CO room , and the more people there were , the harder my heart beat .
Damn freaky can ?! I almost had a heart attack outside CO room . Plus , I didn't eat anything for lunch except for bubble tea . :x so I almost vomited .
Then , at 2.30pm , everyone was seated . OMG . The candidates were sent outside ):
IT'S SO BLOODY HOT OUTSIDE CO ROOM CAN , I ALMOST DIED SWEATING OUTSIDE .
Then I was the first one being called in . So suay lor . ): why am I first ?
Kinda protested , heh . :x
So I went in and said what I planned to say . That one-liner . HAHAHA .
Alumni was inside ! Jinjia , Qingkang and Guier . OMG . Damn scary . :x
Sat on the conductor's chair and swung my legs around . The entire CO was sitting in front of me . Alumni at the sides , comm right smack in the first row , with Zhaoyi and Shujun in the middle .
Jizzed in my pants . Nah , not really . But after I said my one-liner , I said ,

"OMG , so scary , I got stage fright ." and I covered my face .

Not cool to do on stage , but I did it anyway . People started laughing . HOW CAN YOU LAUGH AT SOMEONE WHO'S ON THE VERGE OF FREAKING OUT ON STAGE , THAT'S SO MEAN !
Alumni started asking me some really tough questions .
Those kind of , "What do you think your strengths and weaknesses are ?" questions .
I hate those kind of questions ): it's so ... bhb ! It's like you are boasting about your own strengths ! And since that was what I thought , that was what I said .
How dumb . :x I was like , "Actually I think saying my own strengths would be like boasting , so strengths kinda make one proud ."
The model answer should be like , "Oh , I have leadership skills that can bring CO to greater heights !"
But I answered with this kind of ridiculous answer . :x faaaaaiiiiil . And then , to make things worse , I gave a stupid example .

"It's like , if someone can fold paper aeroplanes very well , then when he/she sees someone new , he/she will fold a paper aeroplane immediately and fly it , right ? Isn't that showing off ?"

Yes , that's why I said . And after that I said , "Shit , what a stupid example ." In front of entire CO . As if things couldn't get worse . :x

I still have the ice-cream in my hand . :x
And anyway , there were still another bunch of questions and my stupid epic answers that made everyone laugh . Really , I don't know why it's so funny lor , it's just my inner thoughts right .
WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING . I need some answers . Shall pester juniors someday . Hah !
And then when I exited , I made a GRAND exit . I swear , it's so grand , it's darn memorable .

I slammed right into the door .

That's right . Why did I do that ? Not on purpose lor . Really by accident .
Was too much in a hurry to get out of CO room . Too embarrassing ! So I uh , got off the chair , made a dash for the door , forgot to turn the knob , and body-slammed into the door .
And everyone started laughing again . Shuckks . ):
You have to be there to witness all the bullshit and the crap and the epicness . Sometimes I think I have a good sense of humour , and it's in my body .

Then it was Venice and Liyun's turn .
DID I MENTION I WAS INTERVIEWED FOR A BLOODY LONG 20 MINUTES ?! Hell yeah ):

And later they announced the new comm . And then they started off from the secretary .
Everyone knows I WANT TO BE THE SECRETARY . It's like , I wanted to be the secretary since sec1 !
During the first interview , which was last year , I said , "I wanna be the secretary ."
During the second interview this year , I said the same thing .
BUT THINGS DID NOT TURN OUT HOW I WANTED IT TO BE . :x
So Liyun became the secretary . I strongly protested in front of the whole co . I must learn to stop embarrassing myself !
Then , it took approximately 20 seconds for me and Venice to realise : This means we'll either be pres or vice-pres .
So you see , me and Venice , we are not exactly very bright people . In fact , we are epic and funny and the happy-go-lucky type . So we expected Liyun to be pres !
Then the vice-pres was announced , yada yada . Again , it took me 10 seconds to realise that : SHIT , ME ISH PRES NOW .
And I panicked . And when they announced pres , I dio stunned and I just sat there .
Really lor , with my face , how to be pres ?! I don't even have the pres face . :x
Then Zhaoyi and Shujun handed us the uh , garlic . I strongly believed it's onion lor .
I asked Jinjia to help me hang it on the screen . It's to uh , fend off the evil forces . LOL !
Sounds like some cartoon , hmm . Btw the garlic is fake . Don't wanna stink up the entire CO room . :x
We had to make a thankyou speech . So me and Venice just stood there , stared at each other , then she said ,

"Eh , you pres ley , make speech !"
"Say what ?!"
"Aiya , sui bian la ! Just say something !"
"Huh , uh okay . Zhaoyi , say what ?!"
"Thankyou speech !"
"Oh okay . UH , HELLO CO , UH , THANKYOU TO ALL MY UH , SUPPORTERS ? WHAT THE HELL . Eh Venice your turn la ."
"Uh , hello , thankyou ah ."

Then the whole co just laughed . Not funny lor . I really didn't know what to say , plus I was holding a bunch of garlic !
And so , this is how things turned out .

I still can't get used to this position . Oh and this is Crystal's facebook dp . :D
Then Mandy , Crystal , and I went to bugis for steamboat !
Don't call me President Tan la , sound like boyboy ley ! Me got androphobia remember ?!
So stressed . :x
We kept laughing during steamboat , don't know why !
But most of the laughter is thanks to this group of workers sitting next to us !
This woman , she laughed like some hyena , loud and funny .
Then me , Mandy and Crystal started laughing out loud HAHAHA .
We laughed until stomachache , didn't eat much .
PLUS THEY CAUGHT A LOT OF MY UNGLAMS ):



Oh , this is Jinjia . :D
And ... so is this .
That's all . I know you wanna see Crystal . :D bye !

This is seriously , beautiful .
Esp when I close my eyes and listen to it . Since I already liked BEAST's On Rainy Days .
The piano cover just makes it even more melodious . And soothing to the broken heart !
I always thought guys that could play the piano have pretty fingers , hehehe .
I wish someone could play this for me .
Just , someone .

Nah , maybe I should learn it myself cos I know no one's gonna play it for me . :D

Tell me , isn't this laptop just fabulous ?!
IT'S YELLOW OMG .
*drools a puddle*
Seriously , this is damn chio can , I want ): but idk where to get a yellow laptop .
Went to research , there's a yellow Dell one , but the yellow's quite an ugly yellow ):
I want this kind of sunshine yellow ! Pretty pretty :D

P.S. I think this is like , some sort of China brand ? Okay I'm sticking to Dell . .__. I just don't trust China brands . Oops .

P.P.S. This is just a random post . I'm going crazy . Gibberish ftw (:

SHIT I JUST REALISED I TOTALLY WENT OFF TOPIC FOR DEDICATION TO CRYSTAL ):
Please let me be more focused next time .
Shall compensate some other day .
I'm drained out , beat , and I'm watching a lame show .

I don't wanna say goodbye .
Isn't it too early ? I've only known you for 4 years .
But we only became close since last year .
Isn't it too early ?
Time is too little for us to know each other better .
Maybe us juniors are too dependent on you seniors , but believe it or not , we are like lost sheep
without you .

Mandy the secretary of AHSCO .
I always wanted to be the secretary .
We got close last year , through Crystal (kinda) .
And I was in the comm too . We lived near each other , and you were an awesome senior .
Nice , pretty , organized , and friendly .
I was really happy that I had a great senior like you .
We watched concerts together , we stayed back in CO room together , and we MRT-ed home together .
You were like an older sister I never had .
Partially because I don't have any siblings , but that's not the main point !
What I'm saying is , I'm really happy and proud , that I can boast to my friends , telling them ,

"Hey , I'm really close to my senior . We go out together , and instead of a senior-junior relationship , we share a friendship bond that's strong ."

When my friends complain about their seniors , I'm proud to say , "My senior's awesome , we have no problems at all ."

Although we don't really share any heart-to-heart moments , and we don't share relationship-wise problems , we could still get along , and are very good friends . All in all , I just wanna say : I love you .

Some emotions can't be phrased into sentences , and my gratitude for you as a senior can't be described with sentences , either . Thank you for all the love , the care , and the concern . You're the best senior any junior can get . I know everyone says that about their own senior , and I wanna make things unique , so I guess I'll say :

"Mandy , continue to stay fabulous . :D AND COME BACK MORE OFTEN OTHERWISE I'LL BUG THE SHIT OUTTA YOU HAHAHA . I'll miss you ):" <3

Crystal Kok .
We share so many moments , it's impossible to describe them all .
We watch concerts together , we go out together , we stay back in the CO room together , we talk on the phone , we SMS each other possibly everyday and any day , we talk about our deepest problems , and others .
I am a horrible descriptor and I suck at relaying my emotions , so here goes .
We weren't exactly close when I was sec1 .
Even though I was part of SYF`09 . We weren't close , at all .
In sec2 , not much either , except for the later part of the year .
I think it was through Jasmin , and slowly , we became closer .
Training together in CO room , walking down the hill together , texting .
Then we were sent for COYLC together .
Honestly , I was dreading it . I hated mixing around , especially on holidays .
I remember meeting early in the morning , carrying my gaohu case , grumbling , and cabbing to the MOE centre together .
I remember getting the Male shirts instead of the Female shirts for the COYLC tee .
I remember joking about the groupings , that Nicholas might end up in my group instead of yours .
And guess what , I was right . At that moment , your face was #epicshit .
In COYLC , we made some great friends (and not really great) .
Even though there were regrets and such , I wanna relive that moment again .

In 2011 , I guess we are a lot closer , huh ? :D
I didn't have much relationship-wise problems , well , at least , not until the March Holidays .
Yepps , I'm talking about the exchange programme at Mayflower .
Honestly , I didn't think much of it . In fact , I wanted to pon it . (seriously)
But I didn't . I don't know whether I made a right choice or not , but well , let's just say it changed my life , your life , well , our lives , severely .
It was then , I guess I kinda liked him .
And that epic moment when Noris went to ask Wanting for her number ! BEST .
And well , I remember telling you that I thought Alvin was cute . (no secrets here)
I remember you agreeing . And for that time , I was really spazzing like crazy .
Then you gave Alvin my number .
I don't remember telling you this , but when he texted me , on that fateful Saturday , I went totally crazy in tuition .
At that point of time , you didn't know I liked Alvin , yet . I don't know whether you were guessing it or not , but that's the case then .
A few weeks later , I kinda hinted to you that I like him . I'm not sure whether you caught the hint or not .
And then , the next day , I spilled the beans and told you that I did like him .
I remember your expression at that point of time . Boy , were you surprised , shocked , or what ? Difficult to comprehend !
When I asked you why you were like that , you were speechless .
That , was another moment I wanna relive .

I remember teasing you about Eugene , Brian and Chinwei .
That you had 3 guys to text ! And when I went home , I went to stalk them , to see how they look like .
I still remember the order that I stalked : Eugene , Brian , Chinwei .
And I died , HAHAHA . I clearly remember what I was thinking then . :D and so , I remember telling you to choose Eugene .
And I do remember having a fun time teasing you about Eugene . (although not as much as teasing about Chinwei)
Of course , at that point of time , I was obsessed in my little world of *coughs* Alvin . LOL .
We only texted for one month though , then he never replied .
I remember being totally depressed over this matter . I was really down . Sad . Disappointed .
You tried cheering me up , (kinda) , but I think it didn't work .
I kept thinking that he still liked Wenqi . I kept insisting , didn't I ? I was so paranoid !
Coming to think of it , I think I made it pretty obvious that I liked him . (take note , past tense)

Then , Eugene stopped texting you . You kinda got over him .
Slowly , Brian stopped too . So the LAST MAN STANDING was none other than CHINWEI . Gotta admit , he's pretty faithful ! And strong-willed :o
So attention was shifted to him , and I had a fun time taking your phone to send stupid messages HAHAHA .
Of course , I was most depressed during that point of time , because I was recuperating . Kinda . Wrong choice of word . I was trying to get over him . Didn't work , heh .

I have awesome stalking skills , and you know it . :D
Even till now , I'm still stalking them , and I'll admit that . Well but mostly , I stalk Eugene , Alvin , Darren , and Chinwei . They're more interesting to stalk .
Then came the VJCO concert . That was a turning point too .
I remember being totally awkward due to the presence of Alvin .
I remember laughing really hard cos' Chinwei made you herbal tea and you didn't wanna drink it . I joked that he spiked it so he could have you alone .
We sat at the back with Mandy , Qingying , Charmaine , Leejing and Yujun . And that irritating photographer . He was really noisy , couldn't stand him AHHHH .
I'm not sure whether you realised or not , but during the entire concert , especially before , after and during break , I was blushing quite a lot , and feeling really hot .
And then , I remember Eugene saying goodbye really loudly before we left VJC .
We had a bet , that he sent you the same message as what he sent me .
I lost , and you had fun with my phone . Which was not very fun for me because it made things awkward HAHAHA .
Anyway , so that was when I started texting Eugene proper .
Remember the mixed emotions I was having ? I couldn't decide on who .
I was pretty frustrated then , because one was treating me like shit , the other was treating me superduper nice , and yet I was angry at both .
Because I thought they treated me like a toy . (didn't tell you this part)
I wanted to wash my hands off this complicated matter . But I didn't , in the end . Couldn't bear to let go .
Then when Eugene bought me a present , I have to admit , I was really touched . (and I shall skip the details yada yada)


OKAY YOU KNOW WHAT .
WHAT I'M TRYING TO SAY IS , WE HAVE SO MUCH MOMENTS TOGETHER ! You're a great sister/senior/listener that I share all my problems with and well , iloveyou ! <3
ANDAND I THINK I KNOW WHO I LIKE , NOW . :D

Vivian's papa and mama are gone . ): to genting .
And so she's at home .
Okok .

And maybe she'll dedicate this song to him , but you'll never know .

Waking up I see that everything is OK
The first time in my life and now it's so great
Slowing down I look around and I am so amazed
I think about the little things that make life great

I wouldn't change a thing about it
This is the best feeling

This innocence is brilliant
I hope that it will stay
This moment is perfect
Please don't go away
I need you now
And I'll hold on to it
Don't you let it pass you by

I found a place so safe, not a single tear
The first time in my life and now it's so clear
Feel calm, I belong, I'm so happy here
It's so strong and now I let myself be sincere

I wouldn't change a thing about it
This is the best feeling

It's a state of bliss, you think you're dreaming
It's the happiness inside that you're feeling
It's so beautiful it makes you wanna cry
It's a state of bliss, you think you're dreaming
It's the happiness inside that you're feeling
It's so beautiful it makes you wanna cry

It's so beautiful it makes you wanna cry
This innocence is brilliant
Makes you wanna cry
This innocence is brilliance
Please don't go away
Cause I need you now
And I'll hold on to it
Don't you let it pass you by

I agree with Avril Lavigne . Hmm .

I took this because mama told me to . I would never want anyone to see me wearing this ridiculous outfit , goodness ): WHY DID HE HAVE TO SEE ME WEARING THIS FOR 2 DAYS , WHY ? ): I could have worn something better , seriously , and not something like this . Biggest regret in ACMUN , ever .

See , I'm smiling weirdly , and scratching my head(?) . Okay I don't think I'm scratching my head , but still . .__. and my tag's flipped ! ):

I really , really like this photo . So I decided to make it my profile picture on Facebook . :D nice , ain't it ? I mean , for a spastic face , it looks good , heh :D
I took this picture after I showered , so my hair is wet and flat , and my face is free of pimples , zits , and whatnots . Therefore , it is a nice picture .

Okay next .

A close up of me in office wear . It doesn't look THAT bad up close , but from far , it's horrid . Seriously , no joke . (even though I'm always a joke no matter how I dress , thanks to the stupid stuff I say) .

Mama says my mouth looks like a frog's because I flattened it . Thanks a lot , mama . I really needed that comment , huh .

I think my bangs are getting longer ! Time for a haircut , whoopee . Not that I like haircuts a lot , I just like seeing my hair get snipped off . How sadistic .

OKAY WHAT'S WITH ME AND STANDARD ENGLISH NOW . This is crazy .

My cousins from Malaysia ! Isn't the one on the left just cuteeeeee ? But I'm telling you , he's a devil . Seriously . The greatest one ever , I swear . The little asshole told me to put my hand on his face , and the next second , he told my mama that I slapped him .

Well done , dude , I salute you .

And he's only 3 years old . I think . WHAT'S IT WITH KIDS THESE DAYS , CRAZY ASS ! What are schools teaching them ): *shakes head*

Well but there's one thing he can do very well , and that's touching my butt . Oh , and singing "10 little Indian boys" . He made me sing it with him too , irritating punk .

But he is really cute , gotta admit that . A lot of squishy baby fats , but he slaps my hand away when I touch his cheeks . He thinks I'll give him pimples , seriously . He scolded me once . Once bitten , twice shy , never gonna touch him again .

So ... I think I need to give an account on what happened last Saturday ! Okay , so my cousins from Malaysia came over to Singapore , and demanded a tour of our magnificent Changi Airport .

Me , being the nice girl (gags) , decides to be their one-day tour guide and I brought them to Terminal 3 where they wanted to see the arrivals and departures of aeroplanes . My poor uncle was kinda afraid of heights though , and the lifts were like , glass-paneled , so you get to see yourself being elevated up ... Okay scratch that , I don't know what I'm talking about .

My annoying 3 year old cousin decided to go missing , and we found him trying to climb up this ... whatdoyoucallit , information board . Scolded him . The second time we went missing , we found him on his way to annoy this man who just came out of the washroom . And the man was very annoyed . I'm not surprised , my cousin can be really really annoying when he wants to . How scary , kids these days . .__.

Here is my perfect cousin . Seriously . She's pretty , smart , obedient , nice , and she communicates really well with the elderly , so that's a plus . Why can't I be more like her ): mama likes to compare me to her though , which is something I dislike because that means I get criticised like no one's business . Gah . She's so perfect it makes me jealous . And I shouldn't be because we're relatives .

My grandma and my grandaunt . I don't know whether they were trying to be air stewardesses or not , but after they left , I ran back to the picture and posed epicly beside that picture . Apparently it's a Qatar Airlines advertisement . Anyway , I pretended to be one of them and I think mama snapped that epic picture of me . It was comical .

Note to self : Delete the photo ASAP . Remove all evidence .

Last picture . I took this at 11.30 pm . I'm surprised my eyes weren't swollen YET . They did become swollen later on , so I went to sleep . Swollen eyes are a sign of fatigue , for me . And my hair is flat ! Kind of . At least it's not puffy , thank goodness .

This delegate is now tired and would like to sleep . However , this delegate would just like to say :

OMG THE HOT MIXED BLOOD GUY JUST ACCEPTED MY FRIEND REQUEST ON FACEBOOK .

And now , this delegate shall sign off and get into more intensive stalking .
I'm just kidding , I'm gonna look around and see what I sow . Heh .

Hi , I'm back again . This time , on a rant , again . Uh , hehehe .
So it's like , have you ever felt that you're always giving in ?
Like , you can't afford this 'special someone' to be upset or mad ?
It's like , the entire world has to give in to her ! That's crazy .
Look , just because you've got a temper , doesn't mean we have to say "yes" to everything you say .
Like as if I don't have a temper ?
I just don't wanna show it .
Cos if I do , I can be a total bitch and make you hate me for life .
Or should I say , I could hate you for life .

People say , "only child"s are the ones being snobbish and stuck-up and that everyone has to give in to them , yada yada .
Bullshit .
I'm the only child , and you don't see people actually giving in to me .
What actually happens is , I GIVE IN TO PEOPLE .
Maybe I'm just weak , I'm a lackey , being pulled around by my friends .
You know what ? I've had enough of that .
I don't want to live for the "happiness" of another person .
That's not my job .
God didn't let me stay on this earth just to please you .
I'm tired of so , so , so , so , so many stuff that's happening in my life .
I feel like a servant .

I'm never the main problem .
I know that .
My problems are always the "unimportant ones" .

"Hey Vivian , that's not the main problem ."
"Look , we have to solve her problem first ."
"Nah , that's not a problem at all ."
"Solve it yourself . We don't have time for that ."
"Oh yeah , that's a problem . But that's your problem . Not mine ."

I'm sorry that my problems are not problems .
I just thought that as a friend , you might care ?
Okay , I thought wrong then . I always do , anyway .
Looks like I'm independent .
Mum told me never to be dependent anyway . Ha .

So then , cheers .